Tommy’s father passed away in the early hours of Halloween morning. It was unexpected, as he had not been particularly ill recently, but not a shock as he had not been in good health for some years and was well into his 80s. He was very much an Alabama country boy, from a coal mining Walker county family. He loved his cars, and was an expert restorer of classic models, working with his hands, and his family. I first met him when Tommy was moving out of his previous domicile and back to his parent’s house before he moved in with me some months later. We were dating at the time, but hadn’t yet become serious. Louie Tommy Sr., or LT eyed me a bit suspiciously at first but started to warm up when he found out I was a doctor. It was the beginning of a relationship of mutual respect. He respected me for my accomplishments. I respected him for his integrity and for having sired and raised Tommy.
To this day, I have no idea of how Tommy with his love of music, performance, visual art, cooking, and understanding of systems – human and otherwise, emerged from his family of origin. His family had moved down the hill from Walker county to Forestdale where Tommy grew up and went to Minor high school. As the family were Church of Christ, his coming out as a young gay man in his early 20s sent shock waves through his parents that took some time to heal but people were getting along relatively well by the time I came along some fifteen years later. I guess his parents figured out that I was the type to be in it for the long haul and would be able to support him in his various enthusiasms. His father never did quite figure out what choral music and opera and theater were all about but he would dutifully show up when asked and seemed to enjoy himself. He and Tommy just happened to be two completely different types of people, despite sharing the Sr./Jr. name.
I learned how to interpret LT’s jokes, how to bounce them right back at him. How to make him feel important and how to help him not feel steamrollered by the sometimes forceful personality of Tommy’s mother. Ultimately, I ended up getting along better with Tommy’s parents than he did and have continued in the family circle even after his death for holidays and family dinners. I’m going to miss the old guy but know he was ready to go as his health conditions were precluding his being able to get out in his garage and tinker with the eight or nine cars he had out there in various stages of restoration. Tommy’s brother is going to have to figure out what happens next in that department.
There is a family visitation tomorrow. I shall go to honor and pay respects. It’s going to be a bit rough for me, going back to that same Jasper funeral home for a family gathering in a time of sorrow that I had to go to five and a half years ago after Tommy’s sudden and unexpected passing. He will be laid to rest in the family plot in Parrish where Tommy lies. I shall not lie there when it is my turn. I don’t want to be buried. Feed me to the flames and transform me into ash and wind and water vapor. If someone wants to come along and scatter a bit of me there and a bit of me with Steve in the Ania-Borrego desert, that would be OK. Perhaps there will be a third husband who will require more of me still. I’m not holding my breath.
Rest well LT. See you on the other side.
Life, The Universe, and Everything 