I’m a bundle of contradictory emotions this weekend. A lot of people assume I don’t get emotional as I tend to be laidback and calm on the surface and pretty unflappable, no matter what chaos is going on around me. That’s not reality, that’s a carefully constructed persona honed through decades of experience in medicine and theatre – both environments which are prone to drama. I learned very young how to suppress, and channel and compartmentalize until you had something that didn’t have too many rough edges which would set off the world. And then, as I bury my emotions deep, I chose partners with volatile emotional cores who would challenge and unlock my emotional self, at least in my private life. I don’t have that at the moment and it’s one of the reasons I figure I won’t have a third husband. Finding someone who can do that in just the right way is going to be difficult indeed.
I don’t trust emotions. They’re messy and uncontrollable and get in the way of order and reason and logic. They’re a necessary part of humanity and I get that but I always feel most comfortable when they’re locked away in what I regard as their proper place so that I can sit at the side table and observe and contemplate life as it goes on around me. But sometimes, they will out. They’re out at the moment for a couple of reasons. One is the announcement of the new endowed professorship at UAB in my honor, something I’ve known about for a long time but could not discuss until all the is were dotted and ts crossed. Another is a group of celebratory experiences to which I am peripheral – two galas last night – one for the 25th anniversary of the UAB Center for Palliative and Supportive Care and the second for the local chapter of the national Alzheimer’s Association followed by the grand opening of some friend’s new LGBTQ coffee shop and bar, Pink Lantern which has been a long time aborning.
FIrst, the endowment. What is it and where did it come from and what is its purpose? About fifteen years ago, when UAB recognized that I had some significant talents which were useful to them as an institution, the powers that be came to me and told me that the development department was interested in creating an endowment which could support me in my work. In an academic institution, an endowment is a sum of money raised through philanthropy which is set aside for the purposes of creating money through earning interest which can then be put to specific use such as salary support so that a faculty member can give time to endeavors that do not in and of themselves create money (such as teaching, working to build new programs, community outreach etc.) An endowment given to me would allow me to do more creative work than just marching in and seeing patients day after day. Endowments are common in the research world but are rare in the clinical care/education world as clinical care always creates reimbursement on some level so having one, in a position like mine, would be something of a coup.
The effort languished for years as UAB had no major donors interested in funding this endowment. Despite the fact that everyone grows older, aging and geriatrics is not what people think of when making bequests. They prefer to give to the study of a specific disease process that has impacted their lives or to cutting edge research. It made no real difference in my life or career so I set about doing my usual and helping everyone get through a pandemic. About three years ago, the Department of Internal Medicine decided to reinvigorate the idea by committing some internal funds to the endowment and the Division of Gerontology, Geriatrics, and Palliative Care followed suit. As I was busy planning my retirement, I decided that having an endowment that would financially benefit me was not the best use of the money. Rather, it should be used as a tool to recruit and retrain someone to UAB in clinical geriatrics that might help keep the programs I’ve devoted my last three decades to flourishing after I step down. I was able to secure the final part of the funding from a family source and I gave the OK for the endowment to be named after me as a way of helping secure my legacy to UAB and to Birmingham in general. It then took time for all of the University machinery to creak forward and, at long last, it became public yesterday.
There are various levels of endowment and this one is at the lowest level. Obviously, the more money in an endowment, the more money that can be spun off for faculty support so it’s my hope that there will continue to be contributions to the fund so that it will grow and thrive and allow whomever is chosen to fulfill the position will be able to do more and more good as time goes on. When I do my estate planning post retirement, I’m going to have a decent chunk head that way but that won’t happen until my death and I’m hoping that’s not for a couple of decades. If anyone is looking for a worthy cause and would like to contribute, either in my honor or just to help carry on what UAB can accomplish in care for the aging, you can contact the UAB School of Medicine Advancement Department. They’d be thrilled to talk to you. Also, if you know of a brilliant clinical geriatrician who’s midcareer and looking for a change and a chance to continue my work at UAB and the greater Birmingham area, drop me a DM.
It’s purely coincidental that the endowment was announced on the day of the celebration of the 25th anniversary of the UAB Center for Palliative and Supportive Care. I’ve been involved with Palliative Care my whole career (there’s a lot of overlap with geriatrics) and assisted in some small ways in helping the center move from psychiatry to geriatrics a few decades ago. Steve was one of the first patients they helped late in his life so being there and seeing people who had been part of the program all those years ago of course brought him and his illness to mind. I’ve buried most of the two years he was sick and I took care of him and the feelings and emotions of that time, when they surface occasionally, always feel uncomfortable and alien. I left that gala early so I could head for the Alzheimer’s Association gala. Many years ago, I was on the board of the Sacramento chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association for a while, one of my first forays into the world of service organization boards. When I came to Birmingham, I became involved mainly with Alzheimer’s of Central Alabama, a local service organization with direct services to local families and served on their board for a decade or so. Friends of mine are now on the Birmingham Alzheimer’s Association Board and had a few tables which were filled with old theatre friends. Most of us have known and worked together in the local theatre world for more than twenty years and I just kept thinking Tommy should be here and part of the group and laughing and joking and reminiscing about now decades past.
This morning was a coffee at the soft opening of Pink Lantern which is to be a coffeehouse from morning to mid afternoon and bar from late afternoon through the evening. I don’t go to gay bars often. They’re usually too loud so conversation is impossible but a gay coffeehouse I can get behind. The power couple behind it are old friends and one of my younger friends, who comes and plays Tommy’s piano routinely, has been hired as the bartender. I feel invested. I don’t always feel like I’m part of the LGBTQ community – a lot of the younger ones view me with suspicion as a cis-white male with a functional professional life as some sort of sell out – but there are times when I need the energy that only comes from being with your own. Tribalism is both one of our strongest enemies and greatest assets as humans. (I think I’ve found the subject of one of my future essays with that comment – but not this evening. Have to head out to dinner now).
Life, The Universe, and Everything 